There are a lot of areas of sleep that science and medicine can understand and explain. But dreams are an entirely different territory, as the question βwhy we dreamβ remains largely unanswered.
Vivid and frequent dreaming is often left open to interpretation through things like dream dictionaries and discussing with friends. Did that dream about your ex-boss really mean you have pent-up guilt and anxiety about your last job? Frequently having stress or anxiety-ridden dreams is usually a red flag for real life stress and the role itβs playing on your body. If youβre constantly waking up panicking in a cold sweat over a dream, itβs time to get your thoughts and stress in order.
Stress: we all have it, but it doesnβt have to control us
Stress is an emotional, physical or mental tension that results from something thatβs outside of us.
Some of the bigger stressors or stressful life events include moving to a new place, changing roles at school or work, relationship issues or losing a family member. Stress can cause sleep difficulties, including insomnia, by making it difficult to fall asleep and stay asleep. This impacts the quality of rest. Stress can also cause hyperarousal, which can upset the balance between sleep and wakefulness.
Being stressed is associated with poor sleep in general, and may trigger more frequent dreams. So itβs not uncommon to experience a distressing dream prior to a big event like a job interview, taking an exam or an important appointment.
And although thereβs limited research about controlling the content of dreams, anxiety dreams can generally be a result of increased stress during our day-to-day lives. Daily stress can also increase the frequency of these dreams.
The good news? You have a great deal of control over your stress. If you learn to better manage stress in your life, youβll likely decrease anxiety-ridden dreams and improve your sleep.
Here are four simple strategies to help your mind and body relax before turning in for the night:
Spend time winding down before bed: This can be thought of as a βbuffer zone,β which is a period of time to allow the activating processes in the brain to wind down and allow your sleep system to take over. Itβs generally a good rule of thumb to start about an hour before bedtime. During this time, engage in relaxing activities that you enjoy like reading or listening to music.
Schedule βworry timeβ: If youβre finding it difficult to control your worrying prior to bedtime, scheduling a specific time when youβre allowed to worry may help. Find a time thatβs convenient for you and write down your concerns. Limit the time to a specific amount and stick to it by planning something to do afterward. For example, you can plan 15 minutes in the evening, before your favorite TV show.
Think of your bedroom as a place just for sleep, sex and pleasant activities: Try to limit the time you spend in bed worrying or being anxious. If you find yourself lying awake in bed stressed out, leave the bedroom and spend time in another room until you feel sleepy.
Practice relaxation techniques: There are other ways to relax while getting ready for bed, such as breathing exercises, guided imagery and progressive muscle relaxation movements. (You can even check out free apps that help guide you through these exercises.) These techniques can be some of the most critical aspects of stress management and you can use them close to bedtime or throughout your day.
When you wake up panicking at 3 a.m.
Weβve all been there β a nightmare or stress dream causes you to wake up. The next thing you know youβre lying there overthinking your finances and everything you have to do the next day.
When this happens, what can you do to get back to sleep?
Stop watching the clock: Counting the minutes will only heighten your distress. Turn your alarm clock around and donβt pick up your phone.
Try to relax your body: Use a relaxation strategy that helped prior to bed to relax your body and mind.
Get out of bed: If you canβt fall back to sleep after a stressful dream, then try getting out of bed to help decrease the frustration. Donβt spend time in bed hopelessly trying to get back to sleep or interpreting your dream. (If your dream caused you anxiety, you may find yourself attempting to interpret it. But this can further increase the worry. This process will result in your brain associating your bed with stress and not sleeping well.) Once you leave your bed, find an activity that is uninteresting or boring. When you start to get drowsy, go back to bed.
Since dreams obviously arenβt measurable, thereβs no real answer to what meaning they hold in our day-to-day life. But we do know that we generally have control over daily stress, which can trigger weird or anxiety-clad dreams. Learning to control the crazy and manage your stress is your best defense to help you sleep peacefully
Set a date, avoid triggers, and get help and support along the way
Looking to take on a sobriety challenge, like Dry January? Or maybe itβs a pregnancy that made you realize itβs time to stop drinking. Or maybe youβre just looking to improve your health, wake up hangover-free and give your liver (and your heart) a break.
βIncreasingly, Iβm hearing from a lot of people who donβt necessarily have alcohol use disorder but who realize that they feel better when they drink less or stop drinking altogether,β says addiction psychiatrist David Streem, MD.
But you probably have questions about how to quit drinking. Is it better to wean off gradually? Go cold turkey? How will you keep up a sober lifestyle?
Whether youβre sober curious, know for sure youβre ready to quit, or fall somewhere in between, Dr. Streem shares advice for how to stop drinking. If youβre living with alcohol use disorder (also known as alcoholism), youβll likely benefit from additional medical interventions. Weβll talk about that, too.
Tips for quitting alcohol
When you consider how to go about giving up alcohol, account for factors like how much you drink and your reasons for drinking.
βAt its core, quitting drinking is a behavioral change,β Dr. Streem says. βItβs about breaking a habit and starting new habits.β
But if youβre living with alcohol use disorder, drinking is more than a habit. Itβs a medical condition. People with alcohol use disorder canβt stop drinking even when it causes problems, like emotional distress or physical harm to themselves or others.
βIf you drink every day β if you crave alcohol and have a compulsion to continue drinking even when the effects of alcohol are obvious β itβs best to seek medical treatment rather than stop drinking on your own,β Dr. Streem advises. βIn many cases, it may not be safe for someone with alcohol use disorder to stop drinking without professional support, and youβre less likely to be successful on your own, too.β
1. Understand your relationship with alcohol
In order to change your drinking habits, your first step is to take a close look at your current behaviors and find patterns.
Dr. Streem suggests starting with the World Health Organizationβs Alcohol Use Disorders Identification Test (AUDIT). It can be a particularly helpful way to help you get a clearer understanding of your drinking habits and your relationship with alcohol. Itβs a 10-question screening test that gives you research-backed, personalized advice for quitting or reducing your intake of alcohol.
Making lists can help, too. Ask yourself questions like:
How often am I drinking? And how much at a time?
In what situations or moods am I more likely to drink?
Who do I typically drink with?
What days and times of day am I most likely to drink?
Why do I drink?
How is alcohol affecting my life? My health? My relationships? My work?
Laying it all out in black and white can take time and some serious self-examination. Thatβs OK. Understanding your habits and your motivations to quit drinking can help you understand the change youβre making in your life and reinforce why itβs important.
2. Set a date (and stick to it)
Dr. Streem says that if your goal is to stop drinking altogether, youβre more likely to have success quitting all at once, rather than weaning off alcohol. But that advice changes if youβre living with alcohol use disorder.
βIf a person with alcohol use disorder stops drinking suddenly, it can be dangerous,β Dr. Streem reiterates. βIf youβre choosing to quit drinking for your health or for other reasons, though, you have a better chance of success if you choose a date to quit and donβt look back.β
He suggests setting a concrete start date for when youβll quit drinking. Leading up to that date, talk with your family, friends and other important people in your life. Tell them your plan and ask for their support as you make this life change.
3. Be aware of your triggers
We all become conditioned to have certain responses to triggers throughout our lives. Itβs normal for certain stimuli to cause a reaction in your mind and body without even being aware of it.
You smell a pot of chili simmering on the stove and then suddenly feel ravenously hungry. You feel your phone vibrate and then anxiously reach to see who texted. Even dogs do it β you say βwalkβ and they high-tail it to get their leash.
Drinking works in a similar way, Dr. Streem says. You can become conditioned to reach for a drink when your environment offers up certain cues.
So, when youβre trying to quit drinking, steering clear of triggers will help.
Thereβs a saying in the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) community that sums up the triggers that can derail sobriety: βpeople, places and things.β And itβs not only people in recovery from alcohol use disorder who are well-advised to avoid drinking triggers when trying to quit.
People: If there are certain friends or other people in your life that you typically drink with, you may want to take some time away from them while youβre working on creating new, sober habits. At least, let them know your intentions to quit drinking so they can be supportive.
Places: Hereβs another AA saying: βIf you hang out in a barbershop long enough, youβre going to get a haircut.β In other words, if you go places where the alcohol is flowing β like bars or house parties β chances are, youβre going to drink. Itβs almost inevitable. When youβre cutting alcohol out of your life, youβre best off if you can avoid places where alcohol is abundant.
Things: As you prepare for the date you set to quit drinking, Dr. Streem advises getting rid of all alcohol and drinking accessories (wineglasses, tumblers, flasks, cocktail recipes and so on) β the olβ βout of sight, out of mindβ technique. These physical reminders of drinking can prompt a trigger response that can be counterproductive to your goal of quitting drinking.
4. Find community
A sober life doesnβt have to mean more time at home as you try to block out triggers. It can mean more time for your other interests, and even new interests. More time to meet new people, catch up with old friends and try new things.
Try these alcohol-free ways to enjoy time with new (and old) friends:
Suggest going for a bike ride with a co-worker instead of hitting up happy hour.
Catch up with friends at a coffee shop instead of a club. (Itβs easier to have a conversation that way, too!)
Enroll in a class: Try ballroom dancing, knitting, creative writing β¦ whatever piques your interest.
Join a volunteer group.
5. Consider professional support
Talk therapy is an important part of treatment for alcohol use disorder, but Dr. Streem says just about anyone who is making a life change, like quitting drinking, can benefit from therapy.
βYou may learn things about yourself and about your relationship to this substance that you never even thought about,β he adds.
Therapy can help you understand why you drink and learn new habits so you can live a healthy lifestyle that doesnβt rely on alcohol as a crutch. It can also help you gain a new perspective as you consider how your life will change without alcohol.
6. Check in with your body for signs of detox
If your body is used to a certain amount of alcohol, you may feel certain effects when you stop. How you feel when you stop drinking is largely based on how often and how heavily you drink. People who only drink occasionally probably wonβt notice any physical or psychological symptoms. If you drank heavily, you may have some mild symptoms. People who have a severe reaction to quitting alcohol should seek emergency treatment.
Emotionally, you may feel some anxiety or sadness about ending a chapter of your life and nervousness about the future. You may feel irritable or have trouble thinking clearly.
Physically, people who drink heavily may experience some mild symptoms like:
Headaches.
Clammy skin.
Trouble sleeping.
Nausea or lack of appetite.
Shakiness.
Again, severe alcohol withdrawal symptoms, including pain, passing out, hallucinations and more may be a sign that youβre living with alcohol use disorder and should seek professional medical intervention before quitting alcohol.
Recognize the signs of alcohol use disorder
If youβre living with alcohol use disorder, quitting drinking is important for your health. But quitting on your own can pose risks to your health and is unlikely to be successful. Rehabilitation facilities can help you on your path to sobriety by addressing alcohol withdrawal symptoms and becoming involved in sober living support groups, like AA.
But Dr. Streem knows that it can be hard to recognize signs of alcohol abuse in ourselves. Often, people with alcohol use disorder find that other people in their lives spot their addiction long before they do.
βIf there are people around you who are encouraging you to make this change, that should be a big red flag that your alcohol use is problematic,β he says. βPeople often see us better than we see ourselves, so if someone is telling you that you need to stop drinking, that should be taken seriously.β
Another clue that can be an indication of an unhealthy relationship with alcohol is if you make βrulesβ around drinking.
βIf you say things like, βI donβt have a drinking problem because I never drink on Mondays,β or, βI only drink X or Y β¦ never Z,β and so on, that can be an indication of alcohol use disorder,β Dr. Streem says. βRules are a way of trying to create an illusion of control when you are, in fact, out of control. People who donβt have an alcohol use disorder donβt make rules about drinking. They donβt have to.β
Other signs of alcohol use disorder include:
Continuing to drink even if it causes distress or harm to you or others.
Drinking more or longer than you planned.
Feeling irritable or cranky when youβre not drinking.
Frequent hangovers.
Getting into dangerous situations when youβre drinking (for example, driving, having unsafe sex or falling).
Giving up activities so you can drink.
Having cravings for alcohol.
Having repeated problems with work, school, relationships or the law because of drinking.
Needing to drink more and more to get the same effect.
Not being able to stop drinking once youβve started.
Spending a lot of time drinking or recovering from drinking.
Wanting to cut back but not being able to.
Obsessing over alcohol.
If youβre living with alcohol use disorder, treatment at a medical rehabilitation facility is your best option. Through therapy, support groups and medication, youβll be supported on your path to recovery.
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